Is Your Current Date Your Soul Mate?

1. Determine which values are uppermost in your life. Studies show that couples with identical belief systems are happiest. Make a list of what truly matters to you. Are you spiritual? Is home the apex of your life? Do you have a strong work ethic? Do athletic activities tend to take precedence? Do you follow seasonal sports without fail?

If you don't want to be fighting your significant other on an almost daily basis, you will have to select a partner who shares these core values with you.

2. Remember that the things that you find so exciting and different in your would-be partner now, are bound to be the bones of contention after half a year of marriage—and should be dealt with.

If you're a man, will you be able to tolerate a wife who cooks up a storm a bit haphazardly, with all the cupboards open and the cooking utensils spread out on the counter like an artist's palette? She's not going to change just because you get married. Either you'll have to iron out the differences now (pre-nuptial counseling is a good idea), or you'll have to decide you can't abide by that sort of “difference”.

If you're a woman, will you be able to tolerate a husband who lives by the seat of his pants, barely existing on the commissions his avant-garde artwork brings in? What seems daring and bursting with integrity at this early juncture in your relationship won't seem so when you've got to get up at 6:00 A.M. seven days a week, to support the two of you during the slow art season.

3. No matter who you're dating, do not forego caring for yourself, or following your own interests. You must be whole and fully engaged in life on your own, before you can settle down to being a full-time partner for someone else.

Fan your passions. If you love deep sea diving, book a course or better yet, arrange a deep sea expedition. If Latin dancing makes you feel as if you've flipped on an energy switch, find a club, call up a friend to accompany you, and go! If you don't have a well-balanced life, chances are you won't choose the right mate.

Screen Your Date

How do you go about screening your potential partner? If your ex-relationships have taught you anything, they taught you that connection is all, and that when you don't connect with someone's heart, you might as well say goodbye.

The bottom line is that you must both be willing to risk all, and reveal all—the frailties as well as the accomplishments. There is no better way to do this than to lay all your cards on the table.

Be honest and vulnerable with the person you are currently seeing. Try something like: “I'm really frightened, here, but I think you must feel similarly, so I'm going to go for broke. I need to know a few things about you before we go any further in our relationship.” Believe me, your date will thank you for the opportunity to open up the discussion!

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