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Moving On After Being Dumped

By Jane Grimshaw

Being dumped is something, which has happened to everyone at some time in their life. How each person chooses to deal with it depends very much on the individual, but there is one thing you can be sure of and that is that it will be painful whatever your age. Learning the best way of dealing with a break up will help to you to recover as quickly as possible and prepare you for moving on.

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Even though you will, understandably, feel hurt, unloved, unwanted and rejected and wonder what you did wrong, it is better not to dwell on this for too long. It is more than likely that you will never find out the real truth and although it will not be easy at first, you must face up to what has happened. Always tell yourself that the situation was out of your control, so you are not to blame and that your ex-partner is not coming back.

It is all too easy to think that you will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, when in fact, it must have been far from perfect or you would still be together. You must make yourself understand that you can still have another relationship, although it will not be the same, it will be equally as fulfilling and probably better. Positive thinking is a good place to start.

The best company to keep at this time is that of your family and friends, they will listen to you 'pouring out your heart' and comfort you - offering you as many tissues as you require. They will not mind and will understand what you are going through. Grieving will help you to get your ex-partner out of your system and is all part of the healing process.

You need to start pampering yourself too. Retail therapy is great if you are feeling run-down and having a long, hot soak in the bath using your favourite bath potions is a wonderful way to relax. Consider having a new haircut or your nails manicured and don't rule out joining the gym or starting an aerobics class with your friends - exercise does helps to combat stress.

It is very unwise to start trying to get your own back, by phoning him or her up and giving them a few home truths and sending back their gifts once bought for you. This may seem like a good idea at the time, but as time passes by you want to able to look back on your past relationships with some fond memories and see them as life experiences that you have learnt from - not as a part of your life that you'd rather forget.

Try to avoid any contact at all with your ex-partner, as you will be feeling vulnerable at this time and false hopes of them returning will affect the healing process. Sometimes, after a few months, your ex-partner may decide that they want to get back with you, you need to be very careful in this situation and decide what YOU really want. When you have spent so much time trying to get over your break-up, you do not want to rush into anything and find yourself back where you started.

The most important thing to remember is that each day is a day further on and eventually you will reach that goal and be able to move on. If you do find yourself struggling to cope, don't despair. You could make an appointment with your doctor, who will be very sympathetic to your problem and may suggest some form of therapy. Never suffer in silence and remember that you are not alone here!

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