The Great Soul Mate Debate

Given the fact that literature and art and astrology and pop-culture have loaded this idea with phenomenal power in our collective conscious, it is not surprising that it has spiraled into a multi-billion dollar business. How many dating services reel us in with the idea that our soul mate may be waiting in their data bank? How many personal ads do we furtively scan, seeking that certain something, that divine spark of chemistry that surely we can recognize in our soul mate, even through a newspaper ad?

Personally, I stopped looking. I thought I had found my soul mate more than once, but they turned out to be…well, big physical attractions steeped in an aura of uber-déjà vu. These relationships exploded, then crashed, then smoldered, then fizzled. I stopped believing there was “someone made for me.” And finally, I stopped worrying about it, and met a lovely soul who makes me truly happier than I could ever imagine. But I won't call him my soul mate – I call him partner, lover, best friend and truest companion.

But there's that word, that idea, still hanging at the periphery of my consciousness. Soul mate. My soul's ultimate mate. The perfect complement to my life, my ultimate side-kick on the superhighway of existence.

Nah.

If I believed that, I'd have to accept that in this whole wide world there is only one person who could provide that fulfillment for me, only one person out of 6 billion and change to love me exactly as I am. How is that fair? What if I'm living in America and my soul mate is living in Nepal, or Nigeria, or Pakistan? How would I ever know to look there?

I think maybe we have many soul mates, but they're often not lovers or life partners. I have a great friend who is a visual artist and poet – she inspires me to do better work, and I inspire her back. She calls us artistic soul mates. I completely agree. Then there is a man who I call my brother, who shares several complete sets of past-life memories with me. I call him my “soul's brother,” which is, perhaps, another way to say soul mate.

And maybe, just maybe, if we take a little pressure off ourselves and love ourselves truly for exactly who we are, we might find the urgency for that sense of completion, or in some cases, validation, significantly lessened. Maybe if we accept that we are all truly wonderful, unique, magical people, we'll see the soul-shaking beauty in so many people that we'll find soul mates everywhere we look. Wouldn't that be a kick in the head?

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