Coping with being separated from your children

Being separated from your children after a divorce or relationship breakdown can be one of the most difficult times in a parent’s life. The pain of not seeing your kids on a daily basis can cause separation anxiety for you, and the pain of being separated from kids is unlike any other pain imaginable. Even if you know you’ll see and visit them again, adjusting to the change can be difficult to say the least.

After divorcing many years ago, I remember the feelings I experienced when my kids were visiting their dad during the long weeks of summer. I felt alone, anxious, confused, and very empty inside. Countless times in the past, I longed for a little time for myself, but when I finally had it, I was sad and truly miserable. The grass wasn’t at all green on the other side. I wasn’t used to being in a home void of activity and the sounds of children playing, but I managed to make it through those difficult times.

If you’re separated from your kids, for whatever reason, you can also make it through those difficult times. There are positive ways parents can cope with separation from their children. These positive ways to cope will make you a stronger person while improving the relationship you have with your kids. You’ll accomplish tasks you’ve put on the backburner, and when your children return, they’ll appreciate your love and the efforts you’ve put forth more than ever before.

Keeping in Touch

Staying in touch with your children is one of the best ways to cope with being separated from them. Depending on the circumstances, this isn’t always easy, but staying in touch in whatever ways possible can help parents cope.

If possible, call them on a regular basis. Parents sometimes wait to hear from their kids, and they’re disappointed and hurt when the calls never come. In reality, parents should be the ones to initiate calls. If divorced or separated parents aren’t on good terms, children might not want to call for fear that the other parent will feel betrayed.

Writing has always been one of my emotional outlets. Writing unleashes suppressed feelings, and helps sort out problems that were otherwise too difficult to figure out without seeing them in black and white.

Write letters to your children regarding your daily activities and hopes for the future. Let them know you care, but don’t share too much of your pain. Don’t write about regrets or the past. Children shouldn’t be burdened with worry or suffer any more pain themselves, thinking that you can’t function without them.

Even if your kids never see the letters you’ve written, you’ll feel better as a result of your efforts. Writing is fantastic therapy you can give yourself, and it’s a great way to cope with the pain of separation.

Coping With Being Alone

The times I felt the worst, when my kids were visiting their dad, were the times I was completely alone. I didn’t have distractions to take my thoughts away from the pain of separation, and these were some of the lowest emotional points in my life.

The sunniest days were the most difficult. They reminded me of the good times spent outdoors when all was well, back before problems overtook the marriage, and back when I was unaware of what the future had in store. I hated to see the sun, and I didn’t want to see others having a good time. The world continued to turn, and life went on without me.

If you find yourself sinking further into sadness when you’re alone, spend time with friends and family. While this isn’t possible all the time, make a conscious effort to place yourself amongst those who care for you. They’ll provide the distraction you need to take the edge off the pain while separated from your children, and you’ll have someone near and dear to talk to if the need arises.

Staying Busy

Daily distractions are also great ways to cope with being separated from your kids. The best activities of all are those that indirectly involve the children. Doing something for them will not only take your mind off being alone, but it will also make you feel like you’re parenting them from afar, while planning for the future.

While separated from kids, do the long needed improvements to their bedrooms. Paint the walls, wash the windows, and let the sun shine in. Do the stenciling you’ve always wanted to do, or give the room a makeover with new window treatments or a new border. Cope with being separated from your children by doing something special to improve their lives. When they come home they’ll realize how much you missed having them around, and they’ll appreciate the love that only you can give.

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