My wife and I had been married almost twenty-five years. It was approaching Christmas 2002 and we had been talking about going on a much-needed holiday as a joint twenty-fifth wedding anniversay with my brother and sister in law for rest and relaxtion, which we all thought we were entitled to.

My wife arranged a school reunion Christmas party via an infamous website where old school-friends reunite. On the night of the reunion party she didn't come home at the time she had said she would, no problem I thought, probably enjoying herself. Two hours went past, then three. I was worried sick thinking that something had happened to her. I couldn't get in touch with her and she didn't ring me. I didn't know what to do. At 4.45am I heard her come in, extremely drunk and worse-for-wear.

The next day she offered no explanation or apology. Several days went passed and neither of us spoke to each other. Finally she confronted me and asked if anything was wrong I replied that I thought she owed me an explanation as to where she had been. She told me that I wouldn't like it and that at the party she had met an old boyfriend from twenty-seven years previous who had told her that he had never stopped loving her and they had been kissing and cuddling outside of the party.

I felt gutted and inadequate. I asked her if she had any plans to see this person again and she said no. As we were going through a bit of a bad patch as marriages sometimes do, I said it was probably because we were unhappy in our own relationship at present so I said let's try to work it out together.

Christmas was very uncomfortable and we drifted further apart. I simply couldn't stop thinking about my wife and her ex-boyfriend. I became a tad emotional after a few drinks and asked her how she could have done something like that after all the years together, she replied in a careless manner "do you think that he has been the only one" my mouth just dried up and I couldn't speak. She just went on for the rest of the evening as if nothing happened and flirted with my daughter's boyfriend's young friend which was embarrassing for him, myself and my daughter's boyfriend.

The New Year became very awkward, we were now living in different rooms of the house. She kept telling me that she was going to get her own flat. I was devastated and still desparately wanted to work on our marriage. I tried another tactic and tried to call her bluff, giving her a copy of the Yellow Pages where local flats are listed. To my surprise and sadness she found a flat and moved in the following weekend. I gave her all the help I could, I was absolutely devastated but I did not show this. I moved her clothes, some of our furniture, TV and video to the flat and went shopping with her to get everything else she needed.

I decided to leave her on her own for a week, hoping she would get lonely and realise that she missed both me and the home. I hoped that maybe it was a mid-life crisis and that she would get over it.

When I phoned her I was horrified to find out that the 'boyfriend from yesteryear' had been living with her. She told me on the phone that she was in love with him. I simply couldn't believe what I was hearing. My life was in tatters. I found it hard to work after this. I found it hard to believe that you could fall in love after one meeting at a school reunion. For the two years previous to this she hadn't wanted anything to do with me and I now feel that she was seeing him during this time.

I became very lonely. I had no friends to go out with as it was awkward for them as they all have wives who don't want their husbands going out with a single man. I quickly lost my self-esteem, I felt very inadequate. I had my children whom I love very dearly, but that wasn't enough.

I joined a dating agency but after talking with people quickly found that it was not for me, yet, as many of the other members had lost their own partners a long time ago and who were ready to date and be relaxed with life. This was not for me, but what was? There was nowhere that I could talk to people in my own situation I began to think that there must be other people in the same situation as my own but how could I meet them? I created the idea of www.been-dumped.com with the help of www.strikedesigns.co.uk to bring together people in the same situation as I once was.

It was in March 2003 that my wife left me and talking to people in my situation has helped me considerably. I hope our site helps you in your time of need, as creating it has helped me.

It helps to talk to people, 'a problem shared is a problem halved' so they say, and in time you will feel better as I do now.

I wish you the very best of luck in the rest of your life's journey.

David Ayres,
Founder of www.been-dumped.com

December 2003