When my husband of 10 years left me I was 30 and had a baby of 1 year and a toddler of 4. He had started an affair with a work colleague 10 years my junior when I was pregnant with my second child. He confessed to the affair when the baby was six months old and we spent the following 6 months trying to save the marriage with the help of professional counselling. This did not work and after six months it was a relief when he finally left.

During the first two months when I was going it alone he did not contact me or want to see the children. His excuse was, he needed to sort himself out! Eventually he did get in touch and I kept things on an amicable footing for the sake of the children. After 5 months of living apart, ( he had been living with the girl he left me for), he asked to come back and for us to make a fresh start. Like a fool I agreed to this, only to have him then walk out on us again within three weeks of returning home. The day after he left I filed for a divorce and this became absolute within 6 months. For the first year following the split, I just went through life on a day to day basis. It was just an existance, looking after the needs of my 2 young children, keeping my home together. My love of gardening kept me sane and I had the best show of summer plants in the village! I guess I was feeling numb and my confidence was non-existant. I did not want to socialise, but with the help of a few good girl-friends who visited me regularly I coped. Eventually, after 15 months of being on my own, my best friend pursuaded me to join a sports club with her. This I did and my one night out a week became a life-line. I met and made new friends and started to come out of my shell. When my youngest child started full time school, I went back to work and this opened further avenues of interests and new friends and eventully I built up enough confidence to form relationships with men.

It is now 20 years since I was divorced and for the past six years I have been happily married to my second husband. My children have now left home and are in happy relationships, (and I am looking forward to the day when the grandchildren will come along, although I'm not putting any pressure on them yet!!!)

Life has not been a bed of roses, far from it, but what I believe kept me going was initially to keep busy and pretend all was well, keep a smile on your face and eventually the pretending becomes a way of life. Also, as someone once said life is a good character builder? Many of my friends who knew me when I was married to my first husband saw me as 'a little mouse', boy how I've changed!

Life will get better after 'being dumped', just give it time and don't let a bad experience sour you, make you bitter, and prevent you from eventually meeting your soul-mate.

November 2003